Godclads

Chapter 31-6 Weight to Bear​

Oh, Veylis, my dear sweet girl, the best people you will meet in this life are not the ones who seek to control you or the ones who seek to empower you completely.

Both are acts of delusion.

Both occupy extremes, extremes that do not aid a warrior.

You want someone that understands you, that allows you to be who you are, but, when the time comes, when they see you approaching the edge, they reach out and stop you from hurting yourself. For it is a pleasure being a Glaive.

But without preceding cause, all the killing gets rather monotonous and dull and senseless. Amusing, but senseless.

That's just the thing.

Give your life some flavor. Be kind to yourself. Be cruel toward your adversaries.

But be serious when choosing who you offer your heart to, for those are the ones who sculpt us.

-Zein Thousandhand​

31-6

Weight to Bear​

—[Shotin]—​

"Wait, hold on. So you're telling me that when she turned sixteen, her dad rented out an entire megablock for her, and you guys did... what was it?" Chambers waved for Shotin to elaborate.

"A Cogni-augmented immersive murder mystery experience," Shotin muttered. "Fucking... she was into detective shit, alright. There was a show back in the day. Uh, False Seer Juna. Kare loved it. So, that's what she got on her namesday."

Chamber threw up his hands. "You know what I got when I was sixteen? Was busy trying to buy a new kidney after my last one got repossessed. Caught an aratnid because I was lonely and wanted a consang, but ended up losing him in a gambling den to a Scaarthian with no teeth later that night. And mean, Kare here had a whole megablock to herself. Holy shit. And how many people attended?"

"Two thousand," Shotin answered.

Chambers choked. "Two thousand people, just to celebrate a girl's Namesday? Fucking nuts, consang. I don't even know two thousand people. Not actually, anyway."

"Yeah, I don't either," Shotin replied with a shrug. "But the clan does. The clan has a hell of a lot more than just two thousand. And the sixteenth namesday is very important. It's when someone's supposed to become an adult."

"Huh, what do you mean, 'becomes an adult?'"

"It's a cultural thing," Shotin finally sighed. He laughed, just after. "Kare tried to skip hers. She, um, she didn't want to be a burden. She never wanted to be a burden. She was always thoughtful, meticulous, cared about other people more than herself. I think she got that from her mother, but I don't know. My sister was a lot of things, but she was tight with her imps and held a grudge like you wouldn't believe. Kare..." He looked at his dead niece again. "She was as close to a decent person as I would ever know."

"Yeah, I believe you," Chambers responded. "Don't know many glassers I like, but, you know. Naeko liked her, that guy with the weird beard liked her, Avo liked her, and, well, there's a reason why he really, really tried to keep her alive. Did everything he could." He caught Shotin's flat stare and grunted. "You know we fought Zein Thousandhand to keep her alive, right? Got my blades shredded by that old bitch."

Despite the sorrow consuming him, Shotin still blinked with surprise. "You? Fought Zein Thousandhand."

"The entire cadre rolled up on her ass, my guy. And she beat all of our asses so bad. It was ugly. It took Quail Fucking Tavers sneaking up on her and stabbing her through the skull for the rest of us to escape. Look, the point is, I'm sorry she's gone. I would do just about anything for you to feel better right now. No one deserves to feel like shit. But I wasn't bluffing. We did try. We did all we could. No one wanted this. No one."

Shotin regarded Chambers for a few minutes longer, and he planted his elbows on his knees. "You know, I do recall tearing your balls off back at Veng's Stand."

"Yeah. And I clutched yours in Avo's Soulscape," Chambers shrugged. "Still wasn't as bad as Zein fucking me up. But still. You popped mine off like a turnip."

"You sprayed a fucking penile blast made out of burning spiders and insects at me," Shotin sneered. "The fuck was wrong with you."

"I was trying to rash your ass."

"You succeeded. Fuck you."

"Yeah? Fuck you too. What did you expect me to do, fight you seriously? No. I had one fucking trick and I was gonna godsdamn use it."

The sheer absurdity of the conservation cracked something inside Shotin. He was still hurting. Still miserable. But this was... it was getting to be too much. He let out a chuckle that turned to a cough. "What the fuck is my life?'

"I know." Shotin snapped. "Doesn't actually change my fucking reaction. Holy fuck. And you're the only one in the city who has this power?"

"Well, there was my evil pathborn twin dispatched by Veylis—"

"What?"

"But that half-strand was pretty messed up. Make a couple of Seekers birth a homunculus into each other by creating some kind of cock-womb-pussy conjoinment tube.' If Shotin's eyebrows could climb any higher, they would vanish into his actual hair. "But he was made wrong. Called himself the Fuckbringer. Was just some kind of mentally deranged sex-addicted monster."

"Right," Shotin whispered. "So. What's the difference between him and you?"

"Man, fuck you, Shotin. Stop attacking me. I'm trying to get my ass to do better. Why do you think I've spent the past few hours here with you instead of just mangling your memories or some shit? I respect people's personal uh... what you call it?"

"Autonomy?"

"Yeah! That! As long as they're not trying to kill me, I don't force them to have sex with each other. I'm the Lovebringer. Not the Fuckbringer. Do I know what love is? No. Am I the best person for it? Fuck no. But guess what, this is how things are. The world fucking kills the best of us while dealing the shitty ones a good hand sometimes."

Chambers seemed genuinely offended. And Shotin... was ashamed. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to—I say things. And I usually don't think about what I say." He hammered the back of his head against the alloyed wall of his makeshift cage. He just couldn't make things right.

A slight huff escaped Chambers. "Yeah. It's fine. I guess I'm not the easiest person to get along with."

Shotin snorted. "Bullshit. You're not. You wanna know why? Because I'm hard to get along with. I fuck everything up with everyone. With my sister. With my niece. Lovers. I just take and take and speak and speak. And then I hurt people. Because I get caught up in my head and keep them out with my walls. So I regret it afterward. And now, I'm spilling my guts to you. Someone I barely know. Because I'm alone. And because you're the closest thing I have left to a consang around here."

He looked down at Kare's corpse and shook his head. She was gone. But there was a thread that joined him to her even beyond the reach of death. And another between him and Chambers. Chambers claimed it was some fuckery about the Heaven of Love. Well. Whatever it was, it grounded Shotin. Pulled him out of the catatonic spiral. Back to the pain. Back to himself. "Thanks for being here for me."

"Don't mention it. You know—" Chambers sudden went quiet and lifted his head. "Huh. One of the Instruments is coming for us."

"What?" Shotin said. True to Chambers' words, a Godclad wearing a full body combat skin designed in the shape of a golden skeleton approached Shotin's prison.

"Felt him because of the link he had with two of his consangs. Apparently, he's double-timing them. Got two mind-affairs going on—and so do they. Fuck me are people unfaithful in this city."

Shotin pressed his lips together. Yeah. Been there, done that. He wasn't one to judge at all.

As the Instrument came closer, Shotin rose to his feet and rolled his neck. "Chambers—"

"Don't worry. He can't see me. I'm just hiding in your mind. But I can pull them. Use their bonds against them. Just give me a cast."

Right. Here they came, time to—

"Seeker Shotin Kazahara," the Instrument said, voice distorted by their combat-skin, "We have explicit orders from Acting Authority Mondelles to release and escort you into his office. He wants you to know that you have mutual business to discuss. Please do not try to resist. Please do not initiate combat. You are trapped aboard Axtraxis Academy. There are at least a hundred other Godclade cadres here and no real way out."

A vicious scowl spread across Shotin's features. He could practically read the nervousness radiating off this Instrument's posture. They knew about him. Felt the dread of his reputation.

"Sorry," Shotin said, "but I'm afraid I'm not that good at following orders. Never was. Big reason why I don't get along with other clans."

"We are aware of that, Seeker," the Instrument said. "But, uh, that wasn't a threat. That was me asking for my life. Please don't kill me and my Cadre. I know what you did during the war. I reviewed the footage. I ran the simulations. I know how a fight between us will unfold. We would be forced to trigger the Rendbombs."

That gave Shotin a brief pause. A humble and anxious Highflame soldier. He hadn't met many of those in his life.

A laugh sounded from Chambers. "Oh, shit. Draus did it. She managed to get to Mondelles. Just got a cast, consang. You're going upstairs. No need to snuff our way out after all."

No need...

With a projection of ghosts, the Highflamer disabled Shodan's phase cage. A gust of cold winds flowed through, and the Instrument came to a halt right before Kare's body. "We'll make sure she's, uh, properly stored, preserved for funerary rites. If that is your desire."

"No," Shotin said. Instead, he brought down a spatial stack and swept Kare away—pulled her into his innermost plane for safekeeping. He was a selfish shit. And Kare was always going to be his to carry. "She is my weight. She'll always be my weight to bear." Shifting his gaze up, Shotin watched as the Instrument flinched. "You, though, can start walking. And get me some alcohol on the way. I've been here all fucking day, and I think since I'm not quite a prisoner anymore, that you should get your guest some godsdamn lubrication."